Nikita Hand Publishes Memoir Not the Perfect Victim as She Speaks of Ongoing Panic Attacks After McGregor Trial
Nikita Hand has published her memoir Not the Perfect Victim: My Fight for Survival, Truth and Justice, giving her first public interviews since the conclusion of civil proceedings against Conor McGregor, in which she describes ongoing panic attacks, the profound psychological toll of the trial, and her hope that her story will challenge societal expectations placed on survivors and encourage others to come forward.
Background
Nikita Hand's civil case against Conor McGregor was one of the most significant legal proceedings in Irish history — a case that tested the limits of the civil justice system as a route to accountability for sexual violence, and that generated intense public debate about consent, victim credibility, and the treatment of survivors in the legal process. In November 2024, a High Court jury found McGregor liable for sexually assaulting Hand at the Beacon Hotel in Dublin in December 2018, awarding her 250,000 euro in damages. McGregor's subsequent appeal was dismissed by the Court of Appeal in July 2025. Throughout the legal proceedings, Hand maintained a public silence that was itself a form of dignity — a refusal to be drawn into the media circus that surrounded the case. Her decision to speak publicly now, through the memoir and a series of interviews, represents a deliberate choice to reclaim her voice and to use her experience to advocate for other survivors. The memoir, published by Hachette Books Ireland and written with Kathryn Rogers, is titled Not the Perfect Victim — a phrase that encapsulates Hand's central argument: that survivors do not need to be perfect to be believed, and that the expectation of perfection is itself a form of injustice.
Key Developments
In her interviews, Hand has been candid about the ongoing impact of the assault and the trial on her mental health. She continues to experience panic attacks and anxiety, and has described the period following the assault as one in which she turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism. She has spoken about the intense scrutiny and harassment she faced, including threatening and body-shaming direct messages, and about a traumatic incident in June 2024 in which intruders broke into her home and stabbed her partner. Despite these challenges, Hand has emphasised that she is in a better place, supported by her partner Gary Foy, her family, and the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. She recently welcomed her second daughter, Alba, and has described her children as a primary source of strength. The memoir, she has said, is not primarily about McGregor — it is about her own journey, her own survival, and her own reclamation of power after a period in which she felt powerless. The title Not the Perfect Victim is a direct challenge to the societal expectations that are placed on survivors of sexual violence — the expectation that they will behave in certain ways, report immediately, have no prior relationship with the perpetrator, and present themselves as unimpeachably credible.
Why It Matters
Nikita Hand's memoir is a significant cultural document — not just a personal account of trauma and survival, but a contribution to the ongoing public conversation about how Irish society treats survivors of sexual violence. The civil case against McGregor demonstrated that the criminal justice system is not the only route to accountability, but it also demonstrated the enormous personal cost of pursuing justice through any legal route. Hand's willingness to share that experience publicly, and to use it to advocate for systemic change, is an act of considerable courage. The memoir also arrives at a moment when Ireland is grappling with a series of high-profile cases involving sexual violence and the treatment of survivors. The publication of Not the Perfect Victim adds an important voice to that conversation — one that is grounded in lived experience rather than abstract principle, and that speaks directly to the many survivors who have chosen not to come forward because they fear they will not be believed.
Local Impact
In Dublin, where Hand lives and where the events described in the memoir took place, the publication has been received with widespread support. The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, which supported Hand throughout the legal proceedings, has welcomed the memoir and has noted that it has already prompted an increase in calls to its helpline from people who have been inspired by Hand's story to seek support. Bookshops across Dublin and Ireland have reported strong pre-orders for the memoir, and it is expected to be one of the bestselling Irish books of the autumn season.
What's Next
Not the Perfect Victim: My Fight for Survival, Truth and Justice by Nikita Hand is published by Hachette Books Ireland on 22 September. Hand will undertake a series of public events in connection with the memoir's publication, including appearances at literary festivals and bookshops across Ireland. The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre helpline is available 24 hours a day at 1800 778 888. Hand has indicated that she hopes the memoir will contribute to a broader conversation about the treatment of survivors in the Irish legal system and in Irish society more broadly.
